Post by brockandsable on Aug 30, 2006 16:41:13 GMT 1
”What’s Going On With the B-Show?”
With your host, Chester McShitts
FADE UP FROM BLACK and we find ourselves on the busy streets of Manchester, England. Noisy truck and car horns, stressed out businessmen and women hurrying in the streets, and police officers directing traffic with oversized bobbies characterize the atmosphere.[/i][/color]
One street in particular, is closed off to vehicular traffic. Only pedestrians and the construction workers who are assigned to that location are permitted to enter. But upon further examination, we see that in the middle of that street there is a manhole. And suddenly that manhole cover begins to move. And then that manhole cover pops off and out from under the street, Chester McShitts, a new TNT news reporter in the likeness of John McKay—only a little taller and a little more Blacker, pops up dressed in his street gear and holding an oversized microphone. Mr. McShitts is covered in shit. All kinds of it. It’s because he was swimming in the sewers for so long, using the underground as a form of cheap transportation. He’d figured he’d ride the waves of poop underground rather than catch a bus or a taxi like a normal human being. McShitts has got human feces caked on his face and forehead, and upon further investigation we see he’s got animal shit on his pants and shoe. He’s even got shit on his yellow hat. But ain’t here to talk shit. We’re here to get lucky: Lucky enough to catch an interview with a Blitz! superstar before they head to the arena before their scheduled match.
McShitts “Good evening ladies and gents, and welcome to this special segment called, “What’s Going On With the B-Show?” I’m your host Chester McShitts, and as soon as I get back to my hotel room and shower, I will attempt to get an exclusive interview with one of the Superstars of the weekly wrestling show, Blitz!. The show that so desperately tries, week in and week out, to catch TNT in the ratings.”
As McShitts walks by, the pedestrians around him hold their noses and wave their hands in front of their noses to fan away the smell. A tall, lean fellow, wearing a derby hat and a long brown trench coat, steers his wife and two children away from the man, who at this point is still covered with shit.
As McShitts makes his way through the busy streets, he stops at a street vendor to buy a hotdog. This vendor is an Italian man, who doesn’t even flinch at the smell of shit that surrounds him.
Vendor “How are you ‘a doing ‘a today. I got a nice, spicy ‘a hot dog! It will fill your belly and make you ‘a full!”
McShitts “Hey. I’ll take one of those. Extra ketchup, mustard and raw onions mate. Ha ha ha, hee hee hee!!
Vendor “”A you got it sir! That’s one ‘a hot dog with raw onions, ‘a ketchup and ‘a mustard coming right up!”
The hotdog vendor begins to got to work while McShitts goes into his jeans pocket that is covered in grime and digs out some American dollars. While waiting, our host is approached by a little kid. This kid has scruffy, black bruises around his eyes, and an old Soundscream T-shirt that looks as if some mice had been chewing on it at night. For a kid he’s in pretty good shape. Upon further investigation, we find this kid bum resembles former Blitz Heavyweight Champion Soundscream.
McShitts “Can I help you, man?”
Kid Soundscream “I’m looking for it. Can you give it to me?”
McShitts “What is it, man? You want some food?”
The kid shakes his head “no”.
McShitts “You want some money?”
The kid shakes his head “no” again.
McShitts “What is it mate, what in the blue are you looking for?”
Kid Soundscream holds up a poster: And on that poster is a picture of the Blitz! World Title. Amused, McShitts can’t help but to bend over backwards and laugh at the kid.
McShitts “Ha ha ha!! Hee hee hee!! You don’t want that son, the real World Champion is over in the states; to be exact, he’s in Long Beach. Why waste your time with some lousy rip off? Ha ha ha, hee hee hee!!”
And with that, McShitts grabs the poster and rips it in half. The kid starts crying and runs away looking for his mommy. The hot dog vendor is ready with the food.
McShitts "I changed my mind, motherfucker!!!"
And with that, McShitts reaches into his slimy pocket, pulls out a little yellow pill, flings it into the air and catches it with his mouth. He then spins, does the Michael Jackson thing with his leg, and runs down the street as fast as he can singing....
McShitts "Ha ha ha, hee hee hee!!!"