Post by brockandsable on Aug 5, 2006 16:55:20 GMT 1
E2’s Road 2 Recovery
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, crackahs and spades, dopes and fiends. Welcome to a special presentation brought to you by yours truly, the One Man Killing Machine. Welcome to The Road 2 Recovery. Welcome to that special place, that happy place where you can get the help you need to get you back on the right track. Here you will find the support and help you need in order resurrect your sinking career.
There was a time when things didn’t look so good for the One Man Killing Machine. Once upon a time E2 was being looked at as a cartoon. A joke. Something to laugh at to help pass the time; help people forget about all the bullshit and pain and suffering they faced on a daily. There was a time when E2 was the comic relief of the P2PW. Then things really got bad.
They laughed E2 to scorn after a horrible promo which led to E2 tapping to Tyler Stone at Wrestlefever 2. E2 ran his mouth about how he would bounce back from being set up by Stare and Shinn’s Theory, but was unable to back up that yap. Instead, he lost the match. Not only did he let down his partner at the time, Cactus, but he let himself down. He was unable to show his face for a while due to a stint in the hospital. But also unable to show face due to embarrassment.
Shinn’s Theory after his second encounter with E2
But, alas, the tables turned. E2 returned with a vengeance and defeated his nemesis in the first match of what was suppose to be a Best of 5 series for the Internet Title. Knowing that in due time he would be swept, Shinn’s Theory saved himself the embarrassment of another ass whooping and announced his retirement. He was the smart one. The dumbasses like Simz and Reece Somers just keep coming back for more beatings. They challenge, they get stomped, check out of the infirmary, and then ask for more. And here I thought Tina Turner had it bad.
Mastadon was next in line for an ass kicking from the OMKM. Instead of just awarding the Internet Title to E2, the powers that be figured they would make the Black Man work twice as hard for the same pay and put him in a match with MVP-Don for the 500th time. For the 500th time MVP-Don stepped in the squared circle, and for the 500th time he caught a beatdown. Story didn’t change, the same ol’ song and dance. Mastadon wound up on his back.
After securing the P2PW Internet Title for the second time, E2 began to realize that he could do this after all. But in order to rise to the level of superstardom, E2 had to make a change. In the road to recovery, all addicts must be sure to avoid people, places, and things, or in this case, people.
After dumping that dirty whore Amie back on the street corner when he found her some years ago, E2’s velocity on the road to recovery began to increase.
Not too long after putting the defiled pussy back on the streets, E2 planted a couple of lefts and rights on Simz and wound up giving him two blacks eyes, successfully defending the P2PW Internet Title.
Unfortunately for that crackah, he didn’t get the message the first time around. So he came back for more, this time he brought Reece Somers with him. But it didn’t matter. Simz caught a beating worse than before and officially joined the “Whenever I Need An Easy Win, I’ll Pick On This Muthafucka” club. His name appears there with Mastadon, Gormy and Reece Somers.
Things were really looking up for me on the road to recovery. I was partying more, having a good time.
Chillin’ out with some of the best sports entertainers in the world.
Enjoying some well deserved free time, hanging in the sun.
And of course, enjoying some of the finer things in life. Real women. Confident women. Not slutty ho’s with poor self image that live for one thing only and that is to bring a man down.
But the road to recovery is not over yet. It seems as if I have had a chance to sit down and really analyze things and have come to the conclusion that it is time to raise the bar yet again. Sure, I’ve stomped names like Shinn’s Theory, Mastadon, and Simz into the dirt. But what about the Stare’s and Soul Reaper’s of the world who keep avoiding me?
Let me tell you something, Osama. RAGE title or Internet Title, you and I are destined to face off one on one. There was a time when I wanted to kill you, but those feelings of rage have been quenched by this temporary truce we share. But don’t get it twisted, Sandman, your time is coming.
Stop……..ducking…….me.
There. I said it. I had to put it in simple terms because Soul Reaper has proven to us all that he’s brilliant enough to cheat his way to a Chamber win, but he’s too stupid to understand what an open challenge is. Let’s try it again.
Stop………ducking………me.
How about in French?
L'arrêt me baisse!!!!
Now, they don’t teach that in Goth School.
And then there’s Stare, who has managed to avoid E2 yet again. You helped Shinn’s Theory defeat me for this Internet Title over a year ago and then you quickly split the brands up so that I couldn’t get my hands on you. Next you robbed “The Tiger” Aladdin out of a chamber victory and then ran back and hid behind…..wait---
….the fuck is Blitz!?
Clever. And here I thought you weren’t a pussy. The road to recovery is open to all who want to improve their game, but it may be too late for you. There’s no cure for Pussydom. Ask Terrell Odom and JT Blade.
But for the rest of you whose careers are shot and going nowhere, Simz, Trey Spruance, Ecos, Cactus, Scream, Spackle, ChadClassic, there is hope. If you keep your head up and your will and tough as iron, if you avoid certain people, places and things; you too can one day tell a success story, about the Road 2 Recovery.
“Cut! That was brilliant! Excellent, Elijah! Excellent!!!”
*Written, directed and produced by Spike Lee and Elijah Edwards © 2006