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Post by soulreaper on Apr 17, 2005 20:02:00 GMT 1
Single’s Match Mastadon
Single’s Match - 1st Round of the Rage Title #1 Contender Tourney Addryd
Single’s Match - 1st Round of the Rage Title # Contender Tourney “The Tiger” Aladdin
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Post by brockandsable on Apr 18, 2005 17:07:00 GMT 1
E2 Promo On a sunny afternoon in Center City Philadelphia, E2, the One Man Killing Machine, stands before a flight of concrete steps. These are the front steps to Thomas Jefferson Hospital.
In the blurred background, patients and visitors can be seen entering and exiting the medical facility.
E2 stands before us dressed in his training gear. The light of day exposes the numerous scratches and bruises on his face, but this isn't about pretty appearances, this is about sending a message to Mastadon.
E2 seems rather relaxed, like this whole deal with Mastadon is a joke as well as a big waste of time.
E2: Ladies and gentlemen, playas and hustlas, hunnies and hoes! Let me ask you a question: Have you ever, ever, ever in your long-legged life had a bald-headed bitch for your bald-headed wife?
(Smirking) No but seriously, have you ever been stalked by a bored psycho-maniac?
Have you been the victim of an annoying soul that has nothing better to do than to follow you around and suck all the living energy out of you?
Mastadon, playa, you are a boring soul that is sucking the life out of the entire P2PW.
You are walking around the locker room bitchin' and complaining about how I attacked you from behind and blah, blah, blah! I'm a bitch!
You walkin' around making threats to the One Man Killing Machine, blah, blah, blah! I'm a bitch.
You runnin' your mouth and talking about how you are going to walk down to that squared-circle with the One Man Killing Machine and take care of business in that ring tonight.
Mastadon, you are a waste of my time. You're a waste of everybody's time. You're threats are empty and your future here is hopeless.
You're weak.
Not even an alliance with the Undisputed Internet Champion Gormy could assure you victory.
But no need to go into that, I'm sure the ass kicking you received last week at the hands of Death Row is fresh in your memory.
I'm sure the memory of Gormy getting hit with sit-down powerbomb, and then the mighty Cactus pinning her for the one--two--three while you were while out trying to sooth the mudhole that had just been made in you, isn't easy to forget.
You never come through boy. You just don't have what it takes to come with your "A" game.
And tonight, you won't come through, just like you weren't there for your partner.
You're slippin' nigga.
Mastadon, this is the last time I am going to tango with you. You're not ready for the league that I'm in.
You're on the playground and I'm in the pros.
I'm fine dinin' and you're bussing the tables nigga.
Tonight, I'm gonna make P2PW history and beat you in front of everybody.
I'm gonna have to hurt you playa.
I'm gonna have to leave a permanent mark so that each and every time you wake up in the morning and look in the bathroom mirror, you will say "There goes the biggest, ugliest bitch I've ever seen. Why, oh why did I let E2 stomp a mudhole in me?"
But after I whoop dat ass, I need to have reassurance that you won't come looking for my trouble again. So I have taken time on this beautiful afternoon to show you that you're a bitch that's not worth my time.
I'll also offer some ways for you to kill time if you get bored again.
Cut to the interior of Thomas Jefferson Hospital, the Geriatric Unit.
The One Man Killing Machine comes strolling through a medium sized, white-walled cafeteria.
The room is populated by a dozen or so elderly patients who are wheelchair bound.
E2 is wearing a blue shirt with the name MASTADON written across the front in white lettering. However, what is most noticeable about this shirt is that it is three sizes too small, giving E2 the appearance of an oversized kid in his kid brother's shirt.
We follow E2 and he makes his way around the room. E2: (Looking into camera) For starters Mr. Mastadon, you can visit the Old Folks ward in any major hospital and pick fights with the strongest athletes there. E2 stops in front an elderly man sitting at a table for two by himself. The man is trying to drink his coffee but his hands are shaking too much. He cannot hold his cup still log enough to take a swig of his latte.
E2 smiles sarcastically at the man.E2: Hi, my name is Mastadon. I'm the bitch who�s here to help you. E2 immediately snatches the cup of coffee from the old man�s grasp and splashes it in the old man's face and chest. As the old man yelps in pain, E2 bends down, grabs the wheelchair by the legs, and flips it upside down, sending the old man to the floor.
The scene immediately cuts to the inside of a busy daycare center. In a large room, about 50 kids ages three to six, are engulfed in a kaleidoscope of play. At the front of the room, a heavy set, oversized woman dressed like a nun stands, overseeing all the children.
She nods with approval, as everything seems to be in order. However, after surveying the room long enough, something bizarre gets her attention.
There in the middle of all those little children, is E2, still donning the MASTADON shirt, but also wearing a baby's bonnet over his big, bald head.
E2 walks on his knees and makes his way to the heavy-set nun who look down at him with confusion. He holds the back of his head as streams of tears go down his face.E2: Teacher, teacher. I'm hurting. WHHHHAAAAAA! Oversized Nun: What's the matter my little Mastadon? E2: My, (sniffle, sniffle) head hurts, (sniffle) and I'm a bitch! WHHHAAAAAA! The Oversized nun, in all her concern, turns E2's head around and lifts the bonnet. On the back of his head, "I'M A BITCH" is written in white crayon.
The scene immediately shifts to a police station.
We are in a dim room with Cactus sitting behind an officer's desk and E2 seated alongside of the desk, where a witness or victim usually parks their carcass when they are about to spill it.
Cactus is dressed as a Philadelphia County police officer and he�s questioning E2, the One Man Killing Machine. E2 sits at a table still wearing his baby's bonnet and t-shirt.Cactus: Okay sir, can you describe the man who hit you with the brass knucks? E2 lifts his head and we see that his face is painted white.E2: He was......he was black. (Sniffle, sniffle) And he was big....and....and...and.. he was black. Cactus chews and swallows the rest of his chocolate donut and continues the questioning.Cactus: Can you describe what he was wearing? E2:Well...well...um...he was black! Cactus begins eating another donut while E2 tells his stuy. E2: He was speaking another language, I think it was...(cough, cough....sniffle, sniffle....I think it was�..it was�..black! The scene changes to a bus stop. Mastadon, E2 and Cactus are waiting for the public transportation unit to arrive. E2 is dressed in his ring gear as if Cactus. However, Mastadon is sporting his infamous pair if overalls accompanied by the shit-brown mud hat.
The bus comes into full view and stops in front of the patrons. The bus driver, who is disguised as Rocky, opens the door and Cactus gets on, pays his fair in cash and goes to find a seat.
E2 steps onto the bus, pays his fair with a token and goes about his business trying to find a seat.
Mastadon gets on but is cut off by Rocky. Rocky sarcastically smiles and lifts his finger and motions it back and forth indicating that Mastadon cannot board the bus.
Mastadon gestures why, but Rocky points to a sign on the dashboard of the bus that reads: "NO BITCHES ALLOWED!"
Mastadon seems shocked, and with that, the bus doors close and it pulls away, but not before blowing black exhaust smoke out the back pipe and leaving Mastadon covered in blackface.
Cut to the interior of the bus.
E2 and Cactus are sitting with at the back with their arms spread out. They are accompanied by four hot, cinnamon-tanned women. They both have two hotties apiece. E2: Just some pointers for you man. Mastadon, time and time again, you get left in the dust. You're just not on my level. It's like in school when you have the gifted students who can go to all the parties and stay out late, yet they still come and score an "A" on the big exam. That's me playa. Like the playa who can walk into the club, turn all the fine ladies� heads, get my groove on the dance floor, and leave with a delicious honey without exerting too much effort. That's me too. Then there is that guy who, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how nice he is to the women, or no matter how hard he studies, he just always fall short. That's you. You just can't come through. Here's something to think about Mastadon....... You are not that good. Cactus and the other four women all wince and the harsh remark.And after I finish you off, I'm coming to take the Internet Championship. And then, Cactus and I, Death Row to all y'all minions, will take effect and begin to run this joint. Peace. FADE TO BLACK.
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Post by shinnstheory on Apr 18, 2005 22:00:59 GMT 1
Thank you E2, Mastadon, Darth & Dickie. The more participation, the better the show. Writers don't HAVE to spend the time reading every word of every promo. But we do. We don't HAVE to write at all. We do because we enjoy it.... And the more people that participate, the more we feel we are doing good job. Again, thanks you 4 (and thanks for the extra promo Evenflow).
Locked.
Thanks voters.
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Post by Reaper on Apr 19, 2005 2:18:46 GMT 1
Poor show guys. Poor show.
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